It will be difficult to summarize this one, so we’ll try and stick to the key facts, and the interesting parts. He became king at the age of 17 after his father died. He loved all forms of leisure and pleasure (hunting, food, wine, music, poetry), but most of all, he liked the ladies (he holds the record for royal marriages). His first wife, Catherine of Aragon, gave birth eight times but produced only one surviving daughter (Mary). Intent on a male heir, Henry VIII decided he needed a new wife. All he needed was the pope to grant him an annulment; only problem was that the Holy Roman Emperor was Catherine’s nephew and she had no intentions of letting this happen. The pope, in turn, could not risk upsetting Rome’s ruler, so the pope did nothing. Furious, Henry VIII severed all connections with the Catholic Church of Rome, had an English Archbishop grant his annulment, and married Anne Boleyn (mother to the future Queen Elizabeth I of England). Well, the pope was having none of that and turned right around and excommunicated the king. What did Henry get for all of his troubles? Another daughter [it’s hard not to laugh at this point]. Stubborn Henry then makes himself “Supreme Head†of the Church of England and goes around beheading any dissenters (you’ll notice his penchant for beheading people a little later). “My way or the highway†best sums up this man’s reign. Back to Anne who wasn’t able to produce a son. Henry, frustrated and tired with poor Anne, moves onto her lady-in-waiting, Jane Seymour (he has Anne beheaded on trumped up charges of treason for…get this…unfaithfulness). Now that’s the pot calling the kettle black! Good ole Jane manages to capture one of those Y chromosomes and gives birth to a son, much to Henry’s delight (but she dies 12 days later from complications). Next, enter: Anne of Cleves, a marriage that was prearranged. When they finally meet for the first time in person, the disappointment is mutual. Anne was reportedly plain, boring and acne-scarred. Henry was no Don Juan himself at this point in his life, grossly overweight and generally nasty. He had that one annulled seven months later, and those he could find to blame for the disastrous pairing were promptly beheaded. Anne of Cleves got to keep her head, and Henry did pay spousal support. After Anne of Cleves came Catherine Howard, a beautiful 18 year old (to Henry’s 49). Enamored with the young sprite at first, Henry wasted no time demanding “Off with her head!†when he learned of her extramarital affairs. Last but not least, we have Catherine Parr (the man liked the name Catherine, apparently). She, too, was young (31), but married the fat old king more from a sense of duty than an aspiring interest in social status and wealth, and she was good to him. She was the one that was there to the end, and he named her Regent before dying at the age of 55. Detestable in so many ways, you have to admit, Henry VIII was one colorful character.
