Briana

Briana is a character in Edmund Spenser’s uncompleted, epic English poem, The Faerie Queene, published in two parts in 1590 and 1596. The allegorical work is written in praise of Queen Elizabeth I, and follows the deeds of various Arthurian knights in its exploration of virtue and nobility. Briana appears in Book VI, which is devoted to the virtue of courtesy, as embodied by Sir Calidore. Alas, Briana does not share this particular characteristic. She is a lady in love with a knight (the aptly named Crudor) whose very strange requirement of her is that she weave him a mantle made from the hair of men and women. Only then will he marry her. Well, of course - seems reasonable to us. So the resourceful Briana sends her henchman out to exact this fee from everyone passing her castle grounds. Along comes good Sir Calidore on one of his knightly quests (he is in search of the “Blatant Beast”, by the way), when he stumbles upon one of Briana’s victims, a squire who has been tied to a tree. He has been shorn of his beard by the henchman (another aptly named fellow, Maleffort) and his lady is now being pursued by the wicked man. Brave Calidore confronts the villain, saves the lady and slays Maleffort. He then proceeds through the castle to find the Lady Briana who (get this) accuses him of discourtesy in killing her servant! She sends for Crudor to do battle with Calidore, but we all know how that will turn out. In no time, our hero has Crudor at his feet, fighting for his life. This our courteous knight grants, but with conditions. Henceforth Crudor must be a polite knight. The grateful Crudor even offers to marry Briana without that dreadful mantle condition, and the even more grateful Briana, happy no doubt to be relieved of her duties as barber/seamstress, bestows her castle upon Calidore, who politely gives it to the beardless squire. We can only hope that, after all that trouble, Briana is happy with her strange choice of husband material (pun intended).